As we embark on the end of a period that is symbolic for the process of renewal and forgiveness we must be cognizant that this process beings with self. The journey of forgiveness is not easy and often creates resentment especially towards the person who has caused the hurt. I like to use the word reflecting as I consider it the epitome of the journey towards forgiveness and the feeling of renewal. I have met many people who have been burdened with not being able to let go. However, it must be understood that in order to live again, in order to love self and life again, something has to give.
To be cheated on… is one of the hardest things to forget much more to forgive. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal are just…unbearable. And the, sadness creeps up and lingers like a plague. The feeling stays and festers especially if you are unable to let go. It affects you even more when you start blaming yourself for him/her cheating on you.
The things is you can only control your behaviour; hence, you should never blame yourself for the action of your spouse. My philosophy on this is that “if you had so much power on this person would you not ensure that you control that part of their behaviour that doesn’t hurt you.” Yes people make mistakes but it takes a lot of effort to cheat and the person who cheats should be the only one blamed.
Something has to give! People need to learn to be accountable and to accept the consequences that come with their actions. When someone is hurting, you have to give them time to heal. Most persons overcome things quickly while others never overcome at all. All in all the one hurting should never be placed in the villain role as they are the victim.
It is all so easy to become the villain in situations because the ‘hurter’ becomes aggressive or withdrawn. In addition to being told that it is because… Me interesting, you have the power to place yourself in a position to be hurt. Nah, not at all!!! This statement is all about making you question your commitment and if you are not careful you could end up accepting the behaviour of ‘guilt’. Never let that happen always remember that the ‘high road’ is for all of us and we can’t keep letting people win by placing on a journey of self blame rather than a journey of renewal.
Taking this journey of renewal and forgiveness is a continuous road filled with bumps, doubts and life detox. It may mean letting go not just of the hurt but the person(s) that caused the hurt. In life, sometimes, we have to choose self and in doing so forgive with the understanding that people are people and they cannot be controlled. However, controlling self requires for forgiving and starting over. Hence commending the process of renewal.