It is funny how we rationalize our decisions based on our own uncertainties and fears. Relationship are no different from life it grows and evolves but uncertainty and fear can cause impasse.
Now based on my job I am always conversing and last week the topics was epic as we started to share our views on marriage. What was funny was, the views.
Melissa, one of the girls in the group uttered that she would not be getting married as marriage meant performing oral sex.
Oh, I didn’t know that oral sex was a criteria for married women. Seriously, I I thought oral sex was a private arrangement between lovers. It is crazy to make oral sex a reason to stay single, don’t you think. After all, oral sex is no longer a fad today’s women are more liberated to sharing their experience and so we know of many couples that indulge.
Melissa explained that like marriage, oral sex was sacred and should be experienced with a life partner. She was very serious in her tone as she spoke of the spiritual elements of sex.
I agree sex is spiritual and conceded that oral sex should be shared with a life partner. However, it is not a universal criteria and should not be used as a deterrent for marriage.
Kimono smiling and blurted “marriage leds to loss of freedom. Hence, this journey was a no no”. It is interesting, because I do believe this, relationship can make you loss your identity if you are not careful. And as sacred as the symbol of marriage is, each party now becomes accountable to the other. Forcing check-ins; forcing collaborative decisions. There is no “I” in marriage it is a team effort. Selfishness doesn’t belong in a marriage or a relationship actually. Therefore it is easier to hold on to you when your not in a married.
So in a relationship how do you hold on to “you”… This is a difficult is a very difficult question to answer and conversation to have.
Silence covered the room as apparently no one had an answer. The silence lasted for at least two minutes and then someone uttered if you really love someone you want them to be there best self.
Everyone in the room nodded; but I quickly cautioned that patience is needed as everyone’s growth rate ranges and forcing someone beyond their readiness level maybe a turn off. Adding that a person’s best self is who they are in the moment and encouraging them to be better must be coached not dictated.
The process of self growth is a very hard journey and the uncertainty of a relationship outcomes can be burdensome. Hence, it becomes even more important for each person to be allowed live each other’s self. Philosophical, yes but truth is truth as no one is suppose to dictate who you are.
The lone man in the room looked sad and just stood staring. He then expressed that he was at an impasse in his relationship… join me on Sunday to read his story – infidelity, control, limited support are just some of the reasons.