Sex? Why?

Have you ever been in a relationship where your spouse is propositioning sex even after it ended?

Have you ever been upset with your man/girl and sex is the fixer.

I spent past week mulling over ‘sex’ and why it is used as the glue to holding on, fixing and/or used as an excuse to remain in a bad relationship.

Many of my girlfriends have lauded their sex life and have even kept their broken relationship afloat through the support of sex. One of these many females shared that she knew that having sex with her man would mean that she would have a least one week of fun and laughter. This same girl complained that her man was not dating her; he was not calling her and he would rather spend time with his friends. I asked her what they did and when she and he were alone. She responded, he and I would have sex, or he would sleep we barely talked and if we did it turned into an argument. I have seen the couple out and trust you could cut the awkwardness with a knife. I have never seen them hug or cuddle as a couple. Hence, it is disheartening to hear her use sex as the clue when in my mind there is no relationship. A relationship requires friendship and a bond that goes way beyond sex. And, while sex contributes to bonding, it only lasts for a moment. A moment of passion which ends once both parties have climaxed.
I also spoke with another girlfriend who still is not willing to move on. She is still holding on to the past. She compared every man that she comes in contact with her man. Yes, I call him that because even though he has moved one, he still solicits sex from her and she yearns for the intimacy.
The emotional connection that these two women have is not the same for the man.

And, to comprehend, I spoke with a few of my male friends to ascertain how they viewed sex after the love had died. They all responded the same way “it is just sex”. They explained that it was easier for them to allow their exs to emotional let go while they had fun and while they quenched their sexual appetites. The ‘sex’ means nothing to them.

When in a relationship especially females need to be mindful that they do not remain in a never-ending shipwrecked relationship. As even with knowing the outcome they stay in a toxic relationship; the same way the captains on Titanic stayed even with knowing that the ship would have sunk. It is imperative that they face reality and accept that the relationship ended. It is never easy to accept rejection and admit that the person whom you loved, made sacrifices for and shared dreams and aspirations no longer want them. And, while sex does not rebuild a broken relationship if causes confusion and prevents the inevitable from happening.

It is complicated when you have already decided that he or she is it. Life is not predictable and people change and/or unveil themselves over time. Don’t let unhappiness become your new normal by being unwilling to let go. Leap you did once before life comes with no expectations us truly living.

#truthsandthoughts

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Food 🥘 for thought:

A committed relationship is a decision, a judgment and a promise to love, create happy memories, be supportive and appreciative to your partner even with their many a imperfections. To love someone isn’t a feeling it’s commitment. #truthsandthoughts

Her ex…

So my friend of mine ex asked her to have sex with.

FLASHBACK

My friend and her ex were together for almost a decade she had a child for him. And, she decided to walk out of the relationship months after her baby was born as she felt neglected.

We all know that postpartum depression is real. And so, after giving birth it is not only a woman’s body that need to be nurtured but also her psychological being. Hence being neglected by a spouse can lead to serious mental complications and my move the depression from mild to chronic on the spectrum.

My friend packed up and returned home with her baby. Her baby daddy did not seek to find her nor even checked on her. She was left to take care of herself and her baby. Two years later he started to make contact with her. The love was still there and mentally she was healthy. With the support of her mother and his mother she was able to juggle work, school and motherhood.

After months of connecting they decided to try the relationship thing again. This was with him getting another child during the break and living with another woman. He was now living back at his family residence and had rented his home.

My friend was the happiest I had seen her in a long time. She was full of life and they commenced plans to live together. One evening he called her and said they needed to talk. He explained that his other baby mother was leaving for six months and she had asked him to stay with his daughter and her son. Of course my friend told him no, that living arrangement was not comforting for her. The conversation ended there.

Her baby daddy without her knowing moved and went to live at his other baby mother’s house. This is after she expressed how the idea made her feel. He did this while she was at his house with his family and her daughter. My friend returned home.

He claimed that the girl left for six months and that he would leave once she returned. She returned in January and he is still there.

FAST FORWARD

Yet, in the last month he has been blowing up my friend’s phone. Telling her how she is the only one who has his heart explaining that he had no other choice. And, then he started reminding her of how good they were intimately.

It is sad that she has now becoming the girl he lusts for. There is no doubt in my mind that he and his other baby mother are together playing house. My friend is smart but love can be cruel. The heart fails us so many times. I pray that my friend will find someone who deserves her and values her.

My friend has been battling as she had given her heart to her baby daddy. To add the family and her have a good relationship. It is not only affecting her mentally but physically. I saw her yesterday and in the midst of her smiling her eyes painted a different story. Her eyes were sad and drifted. I know she is sad and it hurts to watch her going through this loneliness.

I know the conflict has to do with the fact that she has fallen in love with her baby fathers family. She doesn’t realize it but her glee only appears when she speaks of them. Her sadness seeps in whenever his name is mentioned.

My friend needs to do the hardest let go mentally and emotionally. I do believe that she has physically overcome but her heart is still connected. I pray that with time, she will.

Lent

Each year I make it a point of duty l, as a Christian, to participate in lent. This is because it is symbolic to days leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. And, based on my understanding requires for reflection with a view to repent and forgive.

These forty days beginning today is about cleansing: spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. The cleaning of the spiritually realm means fasting and praying. In Joel 2:12 the scripture tells us that it is okay to let go “even now, declares the Lord, return to me with your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning”.

The mental and emotional realm will require for acceptance and letting go as this is needed for renewal. Titus 3:5 reminds us of what this rebirth looks like “he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.

The physically realm is our actions what we do and our commitment to the process. Psalm 37:5 reminds us that through this process God is with us. “Commit your ways to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this”.

Lent is a time of reflection, forgiveness and renewal. May you have self peace during this journey. Be comforted knowing that “…your God…is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he repents from sending calamity” (Joel 2:13).

Food 🥘 for thought:

Your Life’s legacy is not your wealth, vast educational accolades or your many houses and cars. Your life’s legacy is the work that you have completed/participated in that has purposeful aided another person’s candle to be lit. #truthsandthoughts